That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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