Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
