My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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