Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
