i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
