The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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