there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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