she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
