you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
