First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
