Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
