his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
