So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
