Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize