Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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