The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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