I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
