Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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