There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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