Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
