so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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