There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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