plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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