So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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