Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
