She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
