there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
