I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
