Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
