youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize