Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
