2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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