haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
