she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
