If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
