My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
