i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
