So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
