You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
