Can Purell be used as lube?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
