How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
