he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
