weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
