He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
