OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
