who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
i think my cat just said my name.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
