If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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