I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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