The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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