She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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