when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
