I'm pants shitting drunk right now
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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