I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
