There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
