upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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