Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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