First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
