those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Randomize
