Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
