I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
