you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I use my feet as sexual weapons
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
