Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize