what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize