i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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