So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
