YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
