can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I think I died a long time ago.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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