Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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