woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
