so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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